Going with the Flow

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I felt well enough today to write a blog post! Yay! Chemotherapy treatment for Breast Cancer is no picnic, but I did manage to get out to Mt. Charleston last weekend. It was a little frustrating because I could only make it to this little creek. I didn’t even make it all the way to Little Falls, a hike I normal would consider a “baby hike.” With anemia and general fatigue weighing me down at 7,000 feet, I just didn’t have it in me. But it was nice to just sit and listen to the water flow. I am reminded that I too am in the flow of healing.

A lot of what I’m going through emotionally reminds me of when I was pregnant. So much scaling back of all the things a normally love to do. Although I won’t get a beautiful baby out of this deal, I do hope to gain a life in remission from cancer.

My creative projects have had to shift to a glacial timeframe of development as well. This is especially dangerous for a person like me, because when I’m lying down, I think of new things I want to create. I have a growing list of projects I want to initiate, develop and complete once I get through this year of treatment. Even as I am waiting this time out, I am grateful for the experience. Cancer has given me a new awareness of who I am and what I’m here to do. Yes, there is always a bright side, even to cancer.

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An Experience, not another boring lecture…

Tomorrow is my first Facebook Live Event and it is going to be epic!

Epic… really, Bonnie?

YES!

NOT because millions of people are expected to participate.

NOT because I am that ego-centric and important and just love to listen to the sound of my voice and be the star of my own world.

… and NOT because it’s just another boring lecture.

It is going to be EPIC, for me on a very personal level. It will be a significant moment of growth where I will step out of my comfort zone and allow myself to be vulnerable. It will be me, talking heart to heart with other people about how I manage a limitation that has always been a part of my life. It’s a personal limitation that in the past has only ever been visible to the people closest to me. Tomorrow, I am going public with it. I’m no longer NOT going to talk about my personal experience with depression.

After it is over, I know in my heart, that an enormous personal shift will have occurred, no matter how well or poorly the actual event goes. Between 12pm and 2pm Pacific Time tomorrow I will let a childhood monster out of the closet once and for all. By doing so, this monster will no longer have the same power over me.

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If you also suffer from depression and would like to learn a few creative ways to manage it, I invite you to join me. If you know of someone else who may benefit from this experience, please feel free to share the link with them. This event is 100% free and open to the public. My intention is for the event to be interactive. I will respond to comments and questions live as we go. I am hoping that someone actually is there to interact with me live, but if not, I will try to make it as interactive as I can by including lots of prompts for you to engage with the presented materials, even if it is at a later time as you watch the recording.  Continue reading

Launch: The Star Inside

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What does anger feel like? This is the question I’ve been asking myself and others as I have been working on a book and online course that helps people to express anger in safe and healing ways. The image that kept coming up again and again was the star.

Stars have a massive amount of energy inside of them. There is potential for heat, radiation, even a supernova explosion if a star continues to become more and more unstable. On the flip side of this anger (which is a manifestation of hostile energy), there is Continue reading

Creating Choices: Fluid and Finite

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Every day you make choices. Sometimes these choices are temporary and fluid in nature. They don’t have the same weight of a choice that is finite. You may not even realize how finite a choice is until you begin to see the consequences of it arrive on your doorstep.

One after another, these consequences will show themselves and remind you of your Continue reading

Creating Breakthroughs

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Isn’t this the most beautiful thing you’ve seen all day? I think it is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen all year. This little doodle was drawn last week by a reluctant student of mine named Nathan. Nathan confessed to me later that it was the first thing he had drawn in over 25 years. Before that moment, 25 years ago, when he had decided not to trust his creative self anymore, he had been an accomplished artist. He was a prolific painter and portrait artist. At the same time he had also slowly been allowing his addiction to drugs and alcohol ravage his life. His addictions finally won the battle, and he had convinced himself that he would never be able to create again.

I had met with Nathan for the first time about a month ago. He was about six weeks into Continue reading

My Relationship with Food: A Love-Hate Story

…or  “How I ‘Smoothied’ My Way Back to Good Health”

love smoothieI’m sure everyone has at some time in his or her life had at least a “strained” relationship with food. After all, our relationship with food is a life-long one and a pretty important one. Food is a basic necessity of life; one that is often taken for granted. So let’s hear it for, food, right? I mean, come on, food is amazing!

Food activates my senses in a way no other thing can. The smell of a favorite childhood food can send me plummeting back through time in a split second. There I am again, taking a huge cheesy mouthful of my Mom’s lasagna and feeling satisfied and loved beyond my wildest dreams. The sight of ice cream beginning to drip off a cone automatically propels me into forward motion as I go in for the lick! It’s irresistible to me. I don’t even care if it’s not mine. I’ve been accused of licking my kid’s cones many times and I freely admit I may have a problem, especially when it comes to ice cream.

Food is an integral part my daily life. I need to eat. I indulge in food choices several times each day. The moment I wake up and feel that first pang of hunger or the caffeine headache starts to kick in, my mind becomes focused on putting food in my body. Which foods I consciously choose to put in my body does matter. I am now very aware of that. It wasn’t always like this, though.

For the greater part of my life I have struggled with body image issues. Part of that I toss up to just being a female. Even when I had nothing to worry about, it seemed I worried anyway, because the girls and women around me were Continue reading